I can grow people
“having a baby changes everything” everyone tells you that, ya know? But they say it with such negative connotation. It is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I dont get why people say it like its a bad thing. Sure it does change everything, but its the best change of life I have ever had. Better than I could have expected or dreamed.
here’s how it went. (I’ll save you the gross stuff)
*I was in the hospital 4 days before I had him and when I woke up that Thursday morning, I knew something was wrong. The doctor put me in the hospital on Monday because my blood pressure was ‘high to her’. I felt fine and was super irritated about having to be there, because I wanted to go back to school. *kinda*. (I was taking grad school classes at the time) I wasnt due until the end of August and it was the beginning of July!
Anyhow, I woke up and was like “wow, holy sh!t, by side hurts”, called the nurse and she took my BP and it was 179-120. uh-oh. Next thing I knew I was being poked and prodded, my liver had swelled (side pain) and the doc came in and was like ‘call your husband, we are doing a c/section now, you can’t risk going into labor.” WTF? ugh.. I had not signed up for that.
I have had 2 surgeries before in my life, and it was pretty traumatic.
1-wisdom teeth, I was not ‘put out’ and I have vividly awful memories of the nasty dentist strattling me in the chair pulling out my tooth. I couldnt feel it, but I know his junks was just a little too close to my belly,especially with scrubs on. *shivers*
2-kidney stones-I woke up during this and thought there was a bee in my pants. I was also babbling about Grey’s Anatomy and McDreamy on the table. Yea, embarassing. *my doc wasnt even close to McDreamy-shivers*
so yea, I freak and I am balling crying about not wanting surgery to Chris, but to my mom I have to act all calm, b/c we all know she is a panic queen and would freak out if she knew I was freaking out. I called her and was like “hey, what are you doing today? I’m having a baby today” hee hee. She called everyone she knew and then raced to RIC. 🙂
Chris gets there and my BP starts to go down and they talk about not taking Ethan and I get PO’ed because I called everyone already and they are on their way 400 miles to RIC and I start thinking about having all these relatives at my house for no reason….. rest assured…
my BP went back up within seconds of that realization.
I had to walk into surgery, WTF? Really? I had to walk naked with a sheet to cover me down the hall to surgery? Do we have a wheelchair shortage? grrrr..
I did not know this but Chris was not allowed in the room for the epi- why in movies do they show the wife leaning on the husband for the epi? I freaked when they made him wait, but it was smooth sailing after the epi..
I have never been so nervous in all my life, there is this woman I dont know (my doc was not there-yay! ) about to slice me open while everyone watches and I am awake for it. g.r.e.a.t…. I was also on a Magnesium Sulfate drip which S.U.C.K.E.D. It made me feel soooooo sick.
Those pics of women having c/sections all smiling and sh!t… that was not the case for me. ya.. no. I couldnt even force a smile, I was all kinds of crazy.
the following are comments made by the docs and nurses and followed by my thoughts in italics
-can you feel this? – feel what?
-the head is floating -no shit sherlock, Im 6 weeks early
-the head is out -really? wow! I didnt feel a thing!
-its a boy -yay! that was easy
-what a good set of lungs for a preemie -he’s breathing on his own at 34 weeks!!! and where are all these new feelings of concern coming from???
-he’s a big 34 weeker! -thats the tiniest baby I have ever seen
-beautiful placenta, would you like to see it? Its perfect.. -no, thank you, absolutely not, I’d like to see my kid!
-then there were many comments that I will save you from detailing my girlie parts, and stuff.. -really? hurry up and close me up, put me back to bed.
The following days were just overwhelming with emotions and fears of being responsible for keeping another person alive, but the best part is the overpowering, amazing feeling of love that makes you understand why your parents were psycho.
Ethan spent 12 days in the NICU and after many bitchouts to the nurses and docs, he got to come home. The next 6 weeks after that were the most exhausting days of my life. Its really unfair that you only get 6-8 weeks off work with disability. You need recoup time from the first 8 weeks of infancy.
Our family is so blessed by this amazing, tiny, sometimes smelly person.Ethan is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I have never been happier in my life and I often wonder if I was ever truly happy before Ethan. Everyday is worth living, I love waking up in the morning, just so I can see him sleep a little bit. He smiles and laughs out loud now, which as a mommy is the coolest thing. He also sleeps 12-13 hours straight all night, which is just as cool.
Chris and I stare at him and are like, ‘oh my God, I LOVE him’, ‘can you believe he was INSIDE me?’ and ‘look at that’. I am so incredibly proud of him-he is my greatest accomplishment.
I can grow people.