Ahm bizzzy

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*imported*

FRIDAY, JANUARY 15, 2010

ahm bizzy n sweepy n’at

I have a lot of friends that are single moms or claim to be single moms. I have so much respect for single moms, my husband helps me a lot with Ethan. I can’t by any means claim that I do all the work. I shudder to think of my mental state if I had to do it all by myself, run a household, clean, cook, baby stuff, work full time, grad school, professional responsibilities outside of work, top secret projects I am part of and everything else that constitutes life. I am more than grateful to have a partner in life.

There are times when I definitely take on more than he does with E, but he helps. He literally does all the laundry and cooks dinner once in awhile (now less than he used to). Most of the time we make dinner twice a week, I do one, he does one-otherwise we eat leftovers or soup from a can, and

I can’t imagine why I can’t lose weight.
More than anything I just wish, wish, wish that he would help me in the morning to get him ready for daycare. Because its hard enough to get myself ready and he basically gets out of bed, dresses, grabs a coke and goes out the door. Girls really have the short end of the stick getting ready in the morning.
a girl can dream right?

Disclaimer:Now, I know I am about to really piss off some people here, but hear me out. I am not trying to be disrespectful, at all. I really do have respect for single parents.
But here’s my thing.
I haven’t been out with my husband on a real date forEVER. (we did go out once over Cmas, but we were both coming down with the flu and honestly too tired to care)
If one of us wants to go out, the other has to stay home with E. (so basically no one goes out, because we want to be together) We don’t have family here, so no one to watch him for the evening. I no longer have any friends. I never get to be ‘Dana’, I am always “Mama”. Don’t get be wrong, I love to be ‘Mama’, more than anything in the world. I just hate having NO adult time. I miss having a friend to hang out with and I miss my husband.
What does that have to do with the single moms I am referring to?
Well, I have friends on FB who are really great single moms and I follow their status updates. But see, once in awhile their babies go for a visit with Daddy and they get to see their friends and be themselves once in awhile…
or do something crazy, like take a nap.
I can’t imagine the stress of handing over my baby to an ex-boyfriend/husband/lover for a weekend or something, because obviously, you don’t like them for some reason. But the thing is, I NEVER have someone to just watch him so I can be a grown up, ortake a nap. It’s just the 3 of us here in VA. If I do go out for whatever reason, Chris can’t go with me, because he watches E and vice versa.Then I feel guilty because I got to get away and he didn’t. Now its gotten to where I don’t do anything or get invited anyhow. We can’t go anywhere just the two of us for obvious reasons.
I guess my whine is I have this friend who has 2 or so days a week where she can go out in the evening, watch a movie start to finish, take a hot bath, play a game of cards, read a book, go out on a date, eat dinner,take a nap etc… and I am admittedly a tad envious. Most of these things I can’t do at all, some of them I can do if Chris takes over for the night, but ALL of these things I’d like to do with Chris. Its supposed to be easier with both parents together, right?
Now I am not talking about the single moms who do not have dad’s they share custody with, those mom’s I KNOW, unless they have family around, do not EVER get a break. I am talking about the one’s like some of my FB friends. I can’t imagine. I don’t want to be away from E that much, I just am feeling lonely and depressed because I have no friends. I’d like to think that if I had *gasp* 2 days off a week from mommying I’d do something adult-like or at least take a nap.
I admittedly know I have a lot going on, mommying, wifeying, teaching, grad school, NBCT duties, mentoring my parents (don’t laugh, seriously, its exhausting) and now I am taking on this new top secret thing that I can’t tell you about just yet. (I’M NOT PREGNANT) There is nothing here that I can ‘cut out’ to make me less busy. I’m just envious because I see some of these people who are supposed to have it so hard being a single mommy, but they get a day off once in awhile and I don’t. I wouldn’t discredit my sweet husband by saying that I’m like a married single mommy, but it mostly falls on me and I don’t get a break. I also wouldn’t change a single thing about being married or having E, I just need time to myself once in awhile, miss having friends and miss going out with my husband.
Really, honestly, I love being a mommy more than anything in the world. I feel like my life has purpose now and holding this sweet little boy makes me wish time stood still. I hate how fast he is growing and… ok…I’ll stop.
*heart swells with love* ahhhhhhh
But seriously, tomorrow is Saturday and I’d pay $1000 to take a nap, in the middle of the day, alone, stretched out in my bed with the sunshine coming in and not be woken up until my body decides on its own that its done sleeping. Then I’d pay another $1000 to be able to go on a hot date with my husband, provided that I wasn’t sad about missing E while we were gone- which is probably what would happen anyhow. *sigh*
That is if I had $2000 to blow on that! HA!
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